Why we should talk about death

Why we should talk about death. 

It might not be a phenomenon exclusive to the UK – but chatting with loved ones about death and dying can be a bit of an uncomfortable subject. 

Adult children don’t like to think about a time when their parents are no longer around, nor do partners like to envision a time where they must live without the other one. It is definitely still taboo within a lot of families. 

However – realistically – this is not a helpful approach. Whether we like it or not, we are all mortal – we will ALL die one day. Furthermore, we have no way of predicting when that might be. 

From both personal and professional experience, we know how much harder it is to deal with the loss of a loved one when the conversations about death (and the all important planning that comes after those conversations) haven’t been had. 

Below are some of the key reasons we believe it is important to open up about death – and why we shouldn’t be afraid to plan ahead. 

1) Funeral plans

Not everyone has a preference as to what happens to one’s body after we’ve passed – but for many the funeral is a critically important part of their end of life journey. It is important to communicate to those who will most likely be arranging the funeral what your wishes are:

• Cremation or burial – this is sometimes a decision related to religious beliefs, or may be a simple preference.
• Where are you to be buried/scattered – is there a family plot? Do you want to be scattered by loved ones somewhere specific or sentimental? Are you happy for them to decide for you?
• What kind of service – many people prefer not to have a service at all, perhaps you want to ensure certain songs are played, or that certain readings or prayers are said.
• Wake or not – are people going to congregate at your property over tea and sandwiches or would you prefer your loved ones to raise a glass to you at the pub?

Some of these things can be sorted formally within a funeral plan, or even mentioned in a Will. But a lot of the more ‘fluid’ preferences (songs, wake venue etc) ought to be part of a conversation with your family, or a letter could be left to the family explaining what you’d like to happen. 

2) Wills

It may seem obvious that a Will is an important part of planning for death – but around 2/3 of UK adults have not got a Will in place. 

A Will is a critical document to ensure that your Wishes for your estate are followed after you have passed away. After a lifetime of working hard, what happens to any built up wealth on your death should be as important as what happens to it while you are alive.

Without a Will – the rules of intestacy will apply to the division of your assets. 

To discuss making a Will – contact one of our expert solicitors to discuss further. 

3) Paperwork

If you died unexpectedly, would your loved ones find your important documents and paperwork easily? 

Of course it is critical that during your life time those details remain confidential and secure – but when you have died, how accessible are your affairs for those who will have to manage them.

Trying to stay organised is a great place to start – we sometimes suggest to clients that they prepare a list (updateable) of all the institutions they have accounts with (eg banks, utilities, subscriptions etc), and how to obtain any other critical information (eg the location of the Will or any house deeds etc). Keeping these records alongside important documents (such as birth certificates, bank statements, P60s etc) can make life so much easier for those dealing with the fall out after you have  passed away. 

Some of the most challenging estates to administer are those of people who have either retained all their paperwork (hoarders) or have retained nothing (and have been very secretive). 

A healthy balance is important when considering how to plan for your death. 

4) Care of dependents

Whether you are the parents of young children, or of adults with additional needs, the future of the people you care for is an incredibly important conversation to have. 

For children (under 18 years old) you can use a Will to appoint a Guardian who can take care of them when you pass away. Any appointment under a Will is not legally binding for a number of reasons:

• Firstly anyone else with parental responsibility will first be able to take on the care of the children;
• It might no longer be suitable for that guardian to take on the care of your children – they may no longer be in good health, may have moved away, or may have children of their own and not have the means to take on anymore.
• Social workers may have to be involved to determine who is the most suitable person to take on the care of your children, but they will take any wishes you have  expressed into account.

When it comes to adults that we care for – its not quite as straight forward, as a guardian cannot be appointed. There are plenty of options available to care for vulnerable adults, including care homes, sheltered accommodation, or care at home depending on the persons’ needs. Making enquiries while you’re alive can mean that the transition for the person you care for is made more seamless, and less disruptive. 

Speaking to charities or social workers in advance can ensure that provisions are immediately available once you pass away, and the difficulties the person you care for may face are minimised. 

What to do next?

Talking openly about death is healthy and productive. It doesn’t have to be a morbid or sad conversation and can be actually very empowering and even uplifting. Having preparations in place can provide invaluable peace of mind for what your loved ones can expect after you’ve gone. Leaving nothing to fate means your loved ones can focus on the important things – remembering you and celebrating your life – rather than having a stressful and inconvenient time trying to guess what you would have wanted, or unravelling an administrative mess. 

For more information about how to arrange a Will, and how to prepare for the legal side of estate administration, please contact one of our expert Wills and Probate lawyers today on 0800 470 0331